Anyway my dad has been staying over at her house for probably over a year now. He referred to her as my stepmother the other day, and her kids as my step siblings. It hurts, but we all must take a stand for what we truly believe is acceptable. My Mom passed away on July 21, 2011 from a long battle with colon cancer that ended up returning and metastasizing all over her body after one short period of remission. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. You're 24 and the youngest of your siblings, so I assume a long time, around thirty years? A relatively straightforward residential eviction lawsuit, through trial, can cost upwards of $5,000. How short-sighted and petty is that? He is very overbearing and always gets what he wants. I suppose if you married an orphan and there is no family to consider that may seem just fine. I told Ellen that since my brother has never married and has no kids that he has no where to go on Thanksgiving. Eight months after my mother died my dad gave a woman a diamond. Joanne- I think that was uncalled for- especially when everyones situation is different. Would I ever want to come between a father and daughter for the sake of my own needs or excuses that I make this man happy? All we want is to be happy and I definately do not want to replace the much older kids mom. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. Grief is confusing and is not the same for everybody, and it is often very hard to talk it through just with your family members. My sister said it was very irritating, she could not even visit with my Dad because of this lady. I went on this ride a little worried about my ability to accomplish such a thing. This kills me. I understand that, but it was still entirely too soon when he began a relationship months later, she moved into our house and slept on my moms side of the bed less than 6 months after my moms death, they were quickly engaged and married less than 20 months after my mom had died. I felt, and still feel, as though I am left in charge of making sure he's okay. Interesting then that my brother would come home the other night to find them cuddling on the couch at my dads house. Im 23 and I cannot stand the situation that i am in. She started her career at the Creative Artists Agency in New York City in the celebrity commercial endorsement group. He goes to dancing every Tues night. Its like Im dealing with the loss of them both. I am sure you are even doubting your parents relationship. Nijedan od ovde navedenih proizvoda nisu lekovi, niti mogu biti zamena za uravnoteenu, raznovrsnu ishranu i zdrav nain ivota; kao ni za tretmane lekara i konsultacije s njim. Im upset he does not outwardly express that he misses my mom or feels sad that she died, for example, he forgot that the one year anniversary of her death was on that day and her birthday plus he doesnt say anything about how he misses her. I believe that the two things that have made this the hardest are 1. She visits or picks him up if it suits her. He was not the only person to conclude thus. That is not it, I want him to be happy. Thanks for an opportunity to vent although in a sense it is 35 years too late! Both sons are married, one lives locally and one is in another state. These are all red flags for me. When you do everything you can to resolve a situation and the other person still rejects you, you must stop thinking, I havent done enough.. How could so much love be so quickly forgotten. Required fields are marked *. I am in a very similiar situation. Dont get me wrong. No one has ever asked him to stop seeing this woman. My husband understands that his father needs this companionship and is not angry with him for wanting to be with this woman. My point is- as we are accepting his new friend- we are not ready to meet her, or allow her to be a part of our family. I lost my mother and need my father. We are not open about things at all, but a feeling is not always easy to hide. Not only was he a preeminent scholar of rock music from 1968-1974, but some of our best memories together were spent on the road. It was because of the cancer that was growing all over her body. She is a nasty unkind person with no friends except my father and family relationships where she keeps falling out with people. I said I would call when I wanted so she unplugged the phone or the ringer of the phone. I hope for your fathers and your sake that you can work this out, because to lose a daughters love is something that is unimaginable so I wish you the best. So as soon as my Mom died we decided to wait until the following Jan to have a memorial, after Christmas. People constantly comment about how incredible they really are. We believe hope is the bridge between loss and recovery. Mother died quite young age at kyle field. Well, a few days ago, my dad tells me that he is going to Florida next week with a woman friend of his (he never would have taken my mom to Florida). has taken our frustration to a new level. Because if he were to be gone tomarrow I would regret not trying. She is a horrible stupid butt who my dad even called psycho the other day yet continues to torment me with putting her shit all around my mothers moms house who of course both are dead. Has anyone been able to move on from the pain of their parents getting involved with someone else so soon? They had lived in a small house near My father-in-law bragged one week later that he slept with three different women. PRIOR TO MY MUM HAD DIED MY BROTHER MOVED IN AND MARRIED A PHILLPINE Forcing a new person on a family who are still going through that process with scant regard for their emotional state is not a thing that should be embarked on lightly. I feel exactly as you have written. While he will be happy that he's dating. One thing I must emphasise to you is that you have nothing at all to feel guilty about and the fact that you are is as a result of your fathers behaviour. We're looking forward to. And they got married one year after my mother passed away. My mother in law passed away 5 months ago. I do know that I took my Dads death much harder than my mother did. Coping with vascular dementia. Thank goodness for social media, it helps a little. I feel like she is trying to isolate him and Im playing right into as I voice my opinions to him. I went next. Which he did, but he seemed very needy and insecure. I feel that, its heavy. You could encourage it, but dont force it, it will only make your kid resent you. What to do? Time moved on. Sometimes youre sailing smooth, and sometimes you get stuck in the mud. Except for the fact that it was really hard to communicate with her because she spoke little English. He can live his, I can live mine. It was probably the peak of our relationshipnever had we been closer. It made the situation so much worse. You didn't agree to pay for her to be a SAHM. We obviously dont matter. he threw his arms up and said he prays things will heal themselves. Now I struggle with young boys who miss their mother, but desperately crave a mothers embrace. Then he gave me the rest and I locked them in a safe so he could not get to them. . Immediately after his passing, I sent a mass email blind copying friends and family notifying them of my fathers death. 6 months after her death I realized my dad was sort of speaking to other women and though nothing was obviously happening, I was enraged. They served each other in love. Our house was a mausoleum. Also, I'm not sure how exactly I'm supposed to be feeling, and I'm wondering if maybe I'm not grieving enough because I am trying to be self-sufficient and go on with my life and not be extremely depressed over it all the time. So basically I cant talk to him at all except shallow, general chit chat type of conversation. I got to my parents house, and noticed that a cupboard that was under the stairs that my dad hadnt cleaned out in 43 years of being married, nor had he looked in , in that same amount of time -was completely empty. We donated most, but I took the time to go through every item, so I kept a few that I liked. Dating after diagnosis and told me wash and telling everyone; contacting the zest for some things she's. (he has cancer) Im trying not to blow up over this but her actions have made me so angry and my father knows that. She lives about 20 minutes away. Dad told my brother in law they had slept together hundreds of times. Although both countries are going through economic difficulties if you are able to work and are not reliant on welfare there is in general a higher standard of living in the U.S. This story is long, and if youve reached this point, i mean just finish it off . I was blaitantly lied to and now i feel like the family outcast, Im never invited to anything they do, and dont fit in. I was shocked at his behavior. He said he wanted to thank all us kids for all our help with my mom. I am worried for more than a few reasons: one being that what kind of woman will fly to the US after meeting someone online less than 3 months ago? I lost my wife after a sudden, five-month illness. We met when I was 17 and we had been together for 42 years. I loved her completely. Grief is a t God bless you all. What I would do is to call your dad and tell him you would like to sit down and talk to him alone. Not so much anymore. My mother died from Leukemia in 2004, a year later I was shocked to find out my father was dating so soon. Its disrespectful and rude. I feel angry and stressed. I dont want to feel guilty for wanting to be happy and make no mistake whether you are a dreamy-eyed 16 year old or a 41 yr old man, the feeling of falling in love takes your breath away. Daddy has made her co-dependent on him for everything! over grown bushes, stuff left out every where, the house has an HOA and he is on the board and house looks like crap. Oh how I wish I had found this website after my Mother passed,18 months ago. The loss is still immensely painful. It has gotten in the way of my grieving somewhat, but I am sure to take time for myself and allow myself to cry as often as I need to. I think cooking with her will really help. click to read more On him. Our 5 kids (ages 20, 21, 22, 23 and 25) have embraced this new life of ours with open arms. If it wont come from my mom I hope it would come from Cecil to say no to sleeping in the condo and wearing my moms clothes. She was sick for 17 months. Just make sure you give yourself the headspace to actually do it. Furthermore, if it had been the other way around (i.e., my dad had died instead of my mom), then I would have actually encouraged my mom to get out and meet someone! Then in August, he went to Cabo with her sisters and family. My dad began dating a woman about 5 or 6 months later. She just wanted understanding ears to bend for awhile. She is creating the need and doesnt like to be alone. I forgot to mention in my original post, but I need to mention this also. It really helps me try and understand my situation. I am very sensitive to the ACs loss and feelings about the loss of their mother. Finally i heard my dad, he told her to shut it, because he heard enough and shes a horrible person. We are doing our best to cope with things. Moving on with life as he says. Ive come to the conclusion that family, honor and duty seem to be archaic concepts in our society today. Go grocery shopping with her cook with her go see the movies. It seems to me that the almost universal theme of these comments are how hard it is when other people make choices we dont have control over. All bets were off when she was in the house organizing stuff. I came to pick her up from the airport last night and she was just a mess. The love that you have for your spouse and your children will never change. While I share certain similarities with the other posters here, Im also aware of some differences. It got to the point that every time my sister would call it was all about Marsha. Your thing to do here is just be there for her. The issue is that I cant spend time with him without his girlfriend and the baby hovering around too. She spoke with great detail about a moment when she was riding the subway with her dad and chose to keep her headphones in as he was trying to speak to her about his faith. I LOST MY MUM 2 YEARS AGO,I HAVE EIGHT BROTHERS ,I AM THE ONLY DAUGHTER,I WAS VERY CLOSE AS WE HAD MOVED 40YEARS AGO FROM HER FAMILY,SO NEVER WAS CLOSE TO ANY OTHER WOMEN. I never heard my Dad talk about my mother that way not the nasty remarks but simply talk about her beauty. All the while he expects me to hang around him and live life with him in it! the new woman has done away with every thing that was my daughters . I believe that I am a good, caring person who loves their father and only want the best for them, if they only will give me a chance. I rubbed my eyes and quickly jumped out of bed, faster than I've ever done anything in my life. How I struggle each and every day just to make it to bedtime and then get up and do it all over again, all while trying to be a good wife and mother. She didnt shed one tear as I poured my heart out. He says my Mom did this to us. The feeling that my family isnt my family anymore. Its a beautifully horrifying memory that is vivid to this day. I feel like my papa is such a difficult and selfish person who doesnt consider the feelings of his children. She took some wrinkle cream back to the shop when she was about 85 to complain it had not worked. Your relationship may not last but the pain will most certainly endure. We would never do anything to upset the awesome family lives that we worked so hard to create. It makes sense that He met a nice lady this spring. I would love to find out how youre doing. Its been over 3 months since she passed and it still feels like I relive it at least once a day. Despite the fact that she tried to be affectionate at first, she has never called me to ask how I am doing or how my children are doing. Just forced her into all are lives. Studies show that losing a parent can lead to increased risks for long-term issues such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. My Mum died almost 2 years ago in Sept 2011. Below are the six things I learned to do in life, which helped me to survive the past six years: This is very clichd, I agree, but that doesn't make it any less valid. Your father may not recognise the implications of how his actions will impact generations. While you may feel alive and aglow this poor family are aghast. Wasnt she due a little more respect than this? You may both begin to You may put on a brave face but he ought to know that that is not the same as accepting her. HEAD OVER HEELS in love, even now. I miss her so much and this new lady doesnt have children, so I know she cant relate to how I am feeling. If you're fortunate enough to have a supportive network, many will say "I am here for you. The key, unsaid part of that sentence is "for whatever you need." those are huge hurdles when you are proud of your parents relationship, your family and have not lost a partner. What I, and it sounds like many others here, think is inappropriate is possibly the timing involved- being so soon after our mothers death, and the insensitivity towards our feelings of grief and loneliness of having lost our mothers. Since then weve had little positive correspondence and havent seen them for over a year. She's had this stability for three decades, she's forgotten who she even was without him. She is very social and loved the friendships she made there and the daily opportunity to connect with others and the group activities offered. She had fallen out of love with my dad a long time ago, she had told me, but I was worried about who would take care of her. It feels good to be validated. Since then there has been no contact unless we dropped my father off at her home. if I only paid for myself and my husband its be a lot less. Dont tag grieving relatives in photos of the dead online. My parents were together for 40 years. If he wants these things packed up, family should do it, not girlfriends. So right now my sister is scheduled in about 20 days to have a 9 hour back surgery. He makes excuses but we all know if she wanted him there hed be there immediately even if he had to take a taxi. After suffering a loss, we understand how short life is and realize that it can change in any given moment. These fees can be surprisingly high. Your counsellors attitude is beyond comprehension! My mom and dad were married for 30 years. It is all I can do to keep from having a blow-up with this woman. I am surrounded by my mothers belongingsall the knick knacks she loved to look at, I now have a daughter who looks and acts just like my mother did, and I am having to cope with my father bringing another woman into the home he made with my mother. But I also discovered how essential and how caring it is to just make contact with a loved one. That I keep this house a MESS. She thought she was doing my Dad a favor, but she was supposed to have been a friend to my mother too! She is nice enough but very entitled; and shes not afraid to whine, complain, or impose if she thinks Im being too distant with her. I feel he has been deceptive with my mother and with me. My dad broke up with this woman. I wish now I would have gone nuts on him and really screamed to him what and how I really felt. I want to be there for her and help her feel better, but I don't think pitying herself is what's best for her, and it seems like she is just stuck in this miserable pit that she doesn't seem to have a way to get out of. Im not sure what to say to him or how to react to all of this. How sad your letter makes me! I need some advice. My uncle laughed and said Ellen had my dad whipped. My aunt and uncle dont like Ellen either and I have sometimes talked to them about how I feel about her. He lost his identity when my mom passed. Shed tell me who she had spoken with that day and what she was watching on tv. Issues like this will continue to arise, for example, when we begin having our own children, and we will continue to grow farther apart. If you pretend to accept you will be able to maintain the relationship for longer but is it really a relationship when there is no honesty? He had made plans to go out with a group of people and asked what I thought he should do I think he was nervous. Thanksgiving is such a strong family time and you are still reeling from your loss. I never thought Id ever find someone who would make me happy again in terms of a relationship. For myself, I dont think my father could care if we genuinely I sent a letter apologizing for my part in the argument and for hurting her feelings in the past, and Ive tried calling just to talk. Unfortunately, my dad didnt necessarily have a life. He would not let us grieve in our time. No one is arguing that at all. We bonded like we hadnt ever. If I become estranged when she move on, it will be easier to deal with the death of that parent as we have already parted in the living years. It hit the mark with me. If someone close to you ultimately proves to have low death EQ, try not to be disappointed. Isnt it obvious that the reason my sister has the worst relationship of all with my dads wife is because she lost her relationship with my dad because of his relationship with his wife?? Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. I can see why I never ran into this 1st cousin. It is his companion and we are happy for him but just wants more and more. I'm just saying it is possible to have that high of a bill. She complained a few years ago because her daughter and family called her on New Year and she couldnt be bothered to speak to them. He shows repeatedly that she is the only thing he cares about. Did your dad leave money for her retirement? Hell take a day off from her here and there because of our special request. There is a 4 year age difference between them as we lost 2 babies due to miscarriage. 5 Jun. I want a relationship with my father and his wife, but unless we agree to put the past behind us, I dont think it can happen. I decided to move out July of that year to live with my boyfriend. It made me sick. We were stunned and disappointed. No one HAS to be friends with anyone.. Hi, I lost my mom a year ago and my papa started dating his old high school friend whom he had not been in touch when my mom was alive barely a month after my mom died from stroke. Years followed when they spent part of the week at her house and part at his. For a daughter, it is so traumatic to lose your mom and a daughter needs her dad more than ever to help with the healing & grieving process. This felt like my father was purposely hurting my mother and myself along with my brother. Just four months ago I watched as my 28 year old sister cried because my Dad wanted to spend time with his girlfriend instead of her. Naturally, I know there are exceptions to this rule but I speak in general terms. Blaming your father or his girlfriend or anyone else who you feel has caused your sadness will not help you find happiness. Now, try the right place. It eats away at me every single day. She is so insecure within herself, she doesnt feel that a daughter should have a relationship with her Father. Long story short: His whole personality has changed and I just cant adjust to it. I was very honest with him about my feelings as well, talking about how upset it makes me that neither of my parents will be around to see me get married, or have children, things like that. He constantly talks bad about my mom and then crys over my mom. I have supported them all the way why cant they both respect my late mother my mom lets her wear my late mothers clothes sleeps here and at their condo it bothers me Im wrong to feel this way? Before this woman was in the picture I was treated as equal and my opinions and input mattered and where often times asked for. So why am I finding it so difficult? I think that he is more worried about himself than us kids.Which I know that we are old enough to take care of ourselves but I feel that we need to be together right now. Initially, I dropped groceries to her and meals during those first unknown months of the pandemic. I think one thing my life has taught me is that emotional maturity is not age dependent. I don't mean any offence by this, but try to keep a watch on how much alcohol she is drinking. In July 2009, my father-in-law began dating Irene and one month later, we found out that they were opening up another shop between the two of the them and were opening it the next day. We had a great time. it was like he was showing the new woman off. Needless to say, my father, sister and I were devastated. My fathers brother saw right through her from day one, and to this day cant fake his disdain for her. , Background, 1 I got married and my house in a 55 and over was empty. When I asked if they were planning to marry I was told it was none of my business. Then on top of it he went behind my back about this involvement with this woman. We all need the support of the family, during the process of grieving and for the rest of our lives. I bet he has no idea how this has hurt you, Its April now and my dad has a new girlfriend he wants me to meetwow. Best of luck. I cannot imagine ever being in a situation where self-interest would lead me to watch my children who are now 22 and 18 go through the equivalent of an additional bereavement while I bask in the warm glow of new romance. Did it make me angry at her? My dads wife wont let us have 1 minute alone with him. My father has warned me for years that he considers that children owe their parents however bad the parent may be. It is evident that this woman was just waiting for my mom to take her last breath before she jumped. We want a relationship with him, not with her, and he has tried to force it on us. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were My dad started dating a former high school classmate of his about 9 months after my moms passing. Sorry for rambling on! Does he not realize how incredibly hurtful this is to me? I wanted to punch her in the face because she followed up that statement with she loved my father and next thanks giving would be better. We have tried talking to her about it and voiced our concerns. When my mom died, my biggest sadness was not for myself, but for my dad. I felt willing it to her was a stupid decision on his part but there is nothing I can do about it. The sooner the better. Try to establish a friendship with her for her own qualities and so you can feel comfortable talking to her about the loss of your mother and your grief. Ask her what paperwork/admin you can help her with. ), so was well aware that it was going to be hard seeing another woman not only married to my Dad, but living in the same house that my Mom did. Then he started calling her on the cellphone. They seem to have no interest in having any relationship with my husband and me, not even a superficial one. I am now dating a wonderful man and find myself missing my husband. Well, he gets back from the phillipines and just a few months later he lets me know that he is starting the process which takes 4-8 months for her and her two year old son to come here, and that they are going to get married. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Fabulous job. I lost my mother to illness a year ago and my father started dating just 3 months after she passed. Just understand she lost her life partner, and that's a low blow. My life hasnt been the same since my mom died but its also changed even more since my dad left. It helped me to learn ways to understand my feelings and cope with them. Now my sister and I are back to work and doing as well as we can be doing, I guess. and Crickets. I miss my husband with all of my heart and would do anything to have our life back and the way it used to be. Looking back, I know I fought my own demons when coming to terms with her dying and then her death. Hes only been dating her 3 months and Ive just been told he will be bringing her to visit when he sees us over the summer. First Id like to say to Curious that I dont think there is a specific length of time that makes it ok to date after a spouse dies. I read your posted comments, and I understand many of your worries and fears for the person that you love, and the one that could become part of your family. Some people says thats long enough but i dont feel that way. My mom has lived on her own since my dad died in 2017, first in a seniors retirement community, now in her own condo. He was trying to tell me he needs the things my mom was leaving to me. It has now been 14 years since my mom died. Last year I suggested that he started dating. She doesnt want another master in his life. So its important not to get caught up in a trap of constantly comparing the two or making them a nemesis of one another when one is living and one is not. Im surprised she even waited 18 months before she joined the dating agency. We have to live it the best we can and not have any regrets later on. Things we liked, or maybe even didn't like about her, moments we had, things we'll miss. I dont want to be the cause of them breaking up but he should respect my Mom, me, my brother and his grandkids more. When I asked him why, he said he told her that he had been talking to a friend of his and my moms since the funeral, and that they were going to get together. I feel so alone and I just miss them both so much and the way that things used to be. However, and hobbies that morning. I do really want my Dad to be happy, hes much a nice man. In the last 6 months I really feel like Ive begun to heal properly and our family unit of just Dad, my brothers and me-the only girl- were settling. I cant just tell him about it because he hasnt told me anything about this. I feel that he needs to take time and adjust to his new life before he brings someone else into it.